|
'The Casting of Shadows'
Easton, ME
Note: As in other writings at Lotus, "suffering" in this article refers, not to physical pain or outside disturbances, but inner distress. This suffering is an inner discord, a disruption of natural peace in the mind-body, a reactivity rather than being at peace with. Hence, this suffering is the absence of calm acceptance, or equanimity. One is cut-off from her full experience for the reactivity is separative, putting her in an aggressive, antagonistic posture. So, she likely will create suffering in others as an attempted escape - and denial, with its consequent psychological projection, is an attempted escape - from the inner turmoil.
* * *
The Zen teacher, Shundo Aoyama, tells of counseling a sobbing woman. Upon saying she wanted to die, a horsefly flew into the room. In its effort to escape, the horsefly repeatedly flew into the window, dropped to the floor, and, rising again, attacked the same spot on the window.
Aoyama wrote this made him think of a 19th-Century Zen Master, Fugai. He told the woman the story.
A prosperous man who had called on Zen Master Fugai in his dilapidated temple in Osaka was complaining of his problems. Just then a horsefly flew into the room. It began diving at the window again and again. Fugai watched the horsefly intently, apparently not listening to his visitor.
The impatient man of wealth said with heavy irony, "You seem to be very fond of horseflies." To this, Fugai replied, "I'm sorry. It's just that all this is a great pity for the poor horsefly. This temple is known for its state of disrepair. Despite the fact that it is free to fly out through a hole almost anywhere, this horsefly keeps flinging itself against a single spot, convinced that that's the only possible exit. If it keeps this up, it will die. But it is not only the horsefly that is to be pitied.
*Shundo Aoyama. Zen Seeds.
* * *
Fugai and Aoyama see the futility in trying to escape suffering by creating suffering through trying to escape in the same way that brings suffering. The sobbing woman before Aoyama and the wealthy man before Fugai each were suffering a great suffering. Yet, how can they find a way out of their distress while trying to get out of it? In that case, they, and we, are like the horsefly.
So, we do not want to be like the horsefly. We want no-escape. That is our escape. When we are honest about our suffering and do not try to escape it, it finds its own escape.
So, the Way is our opportunity to see and be-with our inner chaos. We may see suffering outside us; yet, the greater is in the mind. If we were not suffering so in the mind, there would be peace among us - suffering begets suffering, peace begets peace. So, the end of war does not begin by ending war; it starts by seeing the war going on almost unceasingly in our minds. Then, we may be safe from war.
* * *
Hence, we begin wanting free of our suffering. We pursue a path offering us this inner peace. We find this need to escape lessen. We find we cannot flee the inner mess. Finally, we discover there is no way out of the distress. The way out of the distress is the way into the distress. Then, we know the way out of the suffering.
This is not advice for persons who need professional help due to marked emotional distress. Yet, it is for others who are not.
* * *
The Way is not an escape. Healing comes through no-escape, of a gentle, compassionate being-with your suffering. Only you can be so intimate with your suffering, for it is yours. No one can kindly embrace it better than you. Then, there is a chance for it to find release. Yet, it does not leave when leaving; its leaving is its return to peace.
See, it was never your suffering to begin with. Seeing this is a huge shift in your relationship with suffering and your faith in its power over you. So, that no suffering is your suffering is good news; it is an opening to healing. It is a relief not to keep acting like the horsefly - attacking a spot on the window. That helps you and the window, too.
Today, maybe even this moment, it is a good time for you to stop being like the horsefly and give love a chance - yes, love toward yourself, love for the pain within you. Will you hold tenderly that pain you tried to push away? Tried to hide from? Tried to deny - but it would not let you, it never does? Love transforms all. And by practicing times of not acting like a horsefly, we will learn better how to be more compassionate toward ourselves. In doing this, we will be more compassionate toward others. We all have suffering within us. We can help ourselves; we can help others. We are not helpless. We have immense grace within ourselves. There flows within rivers of undiscovered love.
* * *
*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2021
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse. The book is a collection of poems based on mystical traditions, especially Christian and Sufi, with extensive notes on the teachings and imagery in the poetry.
|
